aaliyah

Aaliyah (rock the boat)

For TRS-1

A young American woman sits at the Damascus gate of the old city of Jerusalem. It is early afternoon. Hot. September. During the high holidays. A dude walks up and sit next to her. They have known each other for eleven years.

Man- WHERE IS MY WIFE?!

Woman- where is your wife?

Man- she is buying haggling for a thing for my mom and told me to go away.

Woman- not your strong suit.

Man- not my any suit. Hello.

Woman- hello.

Man- that was awesome.

Woman- you had fun?

Man- yeah. It was. Yeah. I had no idea it was all on top of each other.

Woman- it is like, the brain of human bullshit.

Man- yeah.

woman- are you jewish?

Man- fuck.

Woman- Put it back on. it looks nice. How was it?

Man- Wearing it?

woman- no, your return, your aliyah?

Man- it was cool, whatever. I mean, no, the whole thing was yeah and like yeah, I just had no idea and yeah. yeah, it is great. I had no idea it was all on top of each other.

Woman- crazy.

Man- right, no, I feel what you are saying, because I thought it was a thing where one thing was here, another was there like five miles away.

Woman- all on top of each other like a bunch of rats. We didnt go to the muslim side.

Man- maybe next time.

Woman- I dont think you want to get hit in the head with a rock. Plus they- no, dont freak out that will happen, it was a joke. They charge for non-muslims to go into the dome of the rock and dad aint paying for it. The city is one brain of bullshit. I am impressed you found your way back. Super Indiana Jones.

man- the way back was straight. Wait, you saw that?

Woman- no, but I know. Did you write something?

Man- what?

Woman- at the wall.

Man- I dont think you are supposed to tell.

Woman- I cant tell because I dont know what you wrote.

Man- right.

Woman- you said- I dont think you are supposed to tell.

Man- absolutely.

Woman- you can tell me. Drew a swastika?

Man- I know I can tell you. No.

Woman- You disappoint me. what did you write?

Man- that is between me and jesus.

Woman- jesus doesnt read them.

Man- he doesnt?

Woman- no jesus.

Man- there is jesus.

Woman- right, but not jesus jesus jesus.

Man- that is the difference?

Woman- I think so. tell me my son, what hath you scribed for mine eyes?

Man- I didnt write anything. I dont think I am supposed to put anything in the wall.

Woman- you can put something in the wall.

Man- and the wall came tumbling down.

Woman- that would be so awesome.

Man- what wall came tumbling down?

Woman- The north south and eastern ones.

Man- Right, but no, in the song.

Woman- what song?

Man- the song about the walls came tumbling down.

Woman- I have no fucking idea what you are talking about. This is on the radio?

Man- jeremey fought the battle of duh duh duh, duh duh, jeremey-

woman- jacob.

Man- it was jacob?

Woman- they probably said it different.

Man- yacob?

Woman- yacob smirnoff fought the battle of jericho, jericho, jericho….yacob smirnoff fought the battle of jericho.

man- and the walls came tumbling down.

Woman- what a country.

Man- exactly.

Woman- that wasnt here. no.

Man- where was it?

Woman- I am going with the song lyrics, which allude repeatedly to jericho.

Man- where is jericho?

Woman- jericho.

Man- where is that?

Woman- somewhere in hymietown. Ask dad. Where is dad?

man- talking to that swiss woman.

Woman- oh lord. Too old for him. Are you hungry?

Man- no. kinda. But no. are you?

Woman- no.

man- what do you think they do with them? (beat) what do you think they do with them?

woman- what?

man- what do you think they do with them?

woman- for dry cleaning?

Man- what are you talking about?

Woman- the fur hats.

Man- a rappers must wear one at some point.

woman- it makes me want to floss me teeth.

Man- what?

Woman- what?

Man- what makes you want to floss your teeth?

woman- their little curls. Not with them.

Man- the wall made me want to floss my teeth.

Woman- why?

Man- The putting stuff in the wall.

man- you want to use their lil curls to floss your teeth?

woman- no. gross.

Man- it would be great if there were dudes with jheri curls.

Woman- (laughs) what’s a jheri curl?

Man- black dudes in the 80s had them.

Woman- did you like it?

Man- it was, yeah. It was cool you didnt go down there.

Woman- I know.

Man- I am just saying.

Woman- I am not putting the thing on.

Man- that’s cool.

Woman- no it’s not.

Man- no. so I am glad you didnt.

Woman- why the fuck should I?

Man- why should you?

Woman- what is wrong with my shoulders?

Man- no, I was saying, why should you, like why should you you shouldnt it is cool you didnt. it is bullshit.

Woman- I was sitting on the steps smoking and this old woman woman came up with candles and asked if these girls were jewish- what was that guy talking to you about?

Man- I have no idea. He asked me if I was jewish and he had the what is that?

Woman- I dont know. What?

Man- the shit in his hands.

Woman- Ask dad.

Man- I did. he had no idea. It was like a beanstalk and a piece of fruit-

woman- there was fruit? I am fucking starving.

Man- not to eat. and he asked me if I was jewish-

woman- shocking.

man- I said sure.

Woman- you said what?

Man- And then he had me hold it and had me repeat shit.

Woman- You arent jewish.

Man- I told him I was.

Woman- why would you?

Man- I have no fucking idea.

Woman- you said you were jewish?

Man- I did. And then he had me repeat shit-

woman- you are now in the army-

Man- it was like the bar mitzah thing but different.

Woman- you said it?

Man- I did. I repeated it.

Woman- why?

Man- I dont know.

Woman- your mom’s not jewish.

Man- right. And he asked that and I think I said she was.

Woman- why did you do it?

Man- I dunno, it seems like what you are supposed to do when you are here.

Woman- that’s cool.

Man- I mean, yeah.

Woman- wait do you believe?

Man- are you fucking, no. no.

woman- no, I know.

man- I just smelled the wall. What were you saying?

(beat)

Woman- but yeah so this woman came up with candles and was offering them to these girls next to me and then she was all, are you jewish and I I was all, yes I saw them in synagogue.

Man- what syna-

woman- I was being funny.

Man- right.

Woman- dont go synagouge.

Man- I know this.

Woman- And she tried to charge them seven scheckles. I was like no they are jewish thank you and then she was all, why arent your shoulders covered. And I was like first of all your religion is fucking full of shit and it is incredibly sexist to have women and men separated and it is totally dumb and I told her she was a jerk and she was all you are shut up, you are an idiot and walked away.

Man- wait, what?

Woman- this woman came up with candles and was offering them to these girls next to me and they said they werent jewish. So she tried to charge them seven scheckels and I was all, wait, no, they are jewish I saw them in synagouge. And she was all, she turns to me and she is all, why arent your arms covered? It is an affront to god. And I was all, if god doesnt like it he can go fuck himself. she was all, even if you arent jewish, cursing here is an affront to and I was like first of all fuck you I will do whatever the fuck I want your religion is fucking full of shit and it is incredibly sexist to have women and men separated and it is total fucking bullshit and I told her she was a fucking moron and she was all you are shut up, you are an idiot and walked away.

Man- which one?

Woman- what? One of these bitches in-

Man- did you call her a moron or a fucking moron?

Woman- a fucking moron. what difference does it make? both.

Man- the first time you said moron, the second you said fuck god?

Woman- oh, no, I definitely called her a fucking moron and fuck god?

Man- you called a woman a fucking moron and told her fuck her religion and fuck god at the western wall.

Woman- she was trying to charge seven scheckles to jews for a fucking candle. Why wouldnt I say it to her face?

(beat)

Woman- you have a problem with what I said?

Man- no.

woman- then why did you ask me twice?

Man- why wouldnt I have a problem with what you said?

Woman- why would you have a problem with what I said?

Man- it was rude?

Woman- how was it rude?

Man- I am not saying it was rude. You think I think it is rude?

Woman- Just that she would. fuck her.

Man- right. (beat) what do you care what she thinks?

woman- I dont.

woman- who the fuck is she charging seven scheckles for a fucking candle?

Man- I dont know the going rate on…maybe she is a merchant?

Woman- and that is the fucking problem with jews! Who, and this is not my point but I just so this is my thing is, this is a fucking, set aside the other bullshit. set aside the other bullshit, who charges people for fucking candles? If you are jewish they are free? If you arent they cost money?

Man- I dont know dude.

Woman- you obviously think you do, wearing the fucking thing and having a problem with what I did, which as far as anyone can tell is stand up for the rights of women.

Man- I dont and I what. no. the rights of-

woman- you think she is charging men for candles?

Man- I dont know. Do you?

Woman- I guarantee you it is racist as fucking shit to ask as part of a fucking transaction whether or not they belong to a fucking religious group who above that segregates fucking men and women from the only fucking reason. the only reason I heard this happen was why? Because I didnt have my FUCKING shoulders covered.

Man- I understand.

Woman- Okay. do you?

Man- I do.

Woman- the only reason I heard this happen, while you you were off getting blessed and babbling shit in the segregated prayer zone was I refused to wear a shit on shoulders. Am I wearing a tube top?

Man- no.

woman- you have no idea what happens to women. this is what happens to women.

Man- here.

Woman- this is what happens to women here. And everywhere.

Man- yes.

Woman- But you cant do that.

man- I agree. I dont.

Womn- oh, but you do.

Man- what? Right, you cant do that.

Woman- what cant I do?

Man- what cant you do? that is ignorant.

Woman- I agree. what is?

Man- that shit.

Woman- what shit.

Man- segregating shit.

Woman- thank you.

Man- no. but also talking to someone like that.

woman- so, wait.

Man- no.

woman- what is okay?

Man- none of it.

Woman- what is it?

Man- both. All of it. I dont know.

Woman- wait, so, I can only be less ignorant than the person I am talking to?

Man- no, I am saying you dont need to be because you arent.

Woman- how was I more ignorant?

Man- dude, you werent.

Woman- what?

Man- what?

Woman- are you questioning me?

Man- let’s this isnt my point, but let’s set aside the question of this-

woman- oh okay, let’s set aside the question of segregation and fucking trampling-

man- I am saying, hitler definitely missed a family.

woman- how can you set those aside?

Man- I am not saying you can-

woman- even though you are.

Man- I’m not. I am I agree with you.

Woman- four seconds ago-

man- I misspoke.

Woman- you didnt missopke, you said how you feel.

Man- no, you know how i feel, but cursing at some fucking-

woman- you are cursing while complaining about me cursing.

Man- this is like…no, she was wrong but you didnt have to do that.

woman- what?

man- curse at her.

woman- are you fucking serious?

Man- I dig you did it, but it is like, fuck her, you know.

Woman- exactly!

Man- but I mean that without. I feel the same way with the-

woman- with what? You bowing down and repeating what he told you to say?

Man- I mean, I did it for him I mean if I was to be all go fuck yourself, I am giving him a thing to be all jew about.

Woman- instead you acted like a bitch and did what he wanted.

Man- yes.

Woman- why?

Man- I dont know.

Woman- because you are a bitch.

Man- sure, yes. There you go.

(beat)

woman- no. but. Okay.

Man- what?

Woman- are you talking to me or taking photos?

Man- both.

Woman- of what?

man- the damascus wall.

woman- we are sitting here and you are taking shitty photos of people that whatever and look at the dudes on the stairwell.

man- thank you-

woman- that isn’t my point. You take great photos. Best ever. And what?

Man- look at the Palestinian dudes standing on the stairwell.

Woman- I know. I just said that. I like his shoes.

Man- yeah.

Woman- I need new shoes.

Man- you see what he is doing?

Woman- yes.

Man- you arent going to say something?

Woman- he’s sticking his feet out on the stairwell while all the Jews come rushing down the stairs to pray at the western wall. love it. What are you going to do about it? Taking a picture of it.

man- We sit and watch the dude in the red shoes stand against the the stairwell thing and he sticks his foot out so anytime a baby stroller comes down the stairs they have to stop and move around him.

Woman- and?

Man- and what? you dont have a problem with that?

woman- they navigate around him and I am sure they grow up knowing that that is what they are supposed to do. And tonight he gets shot in the face with a rubber bullet.

Man- he is smiling at us.

Woman- this whole place is jews on the steps with their feet out and muslims with babies but probably not because I dont fucking know and I am like fuck all religions but I know if we saw a jew do that we would do something about it. But I am cool with that.

Man- I am hungry.

Woman- you want falafel? Place does a sidebar of carrots and pickles and everything. You have to try it.

Man- okie doke.

They get up. Dude tries to trip her as they walk back into the old city of Jerusalem.

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