Zach- you want the paper?
Ken- no. anyone ever tell you you look like Kenny Rogers?
zach- anyone ever tell you you look like Kenny rogers.
Ken- The pitcher.
Zach- No, the singer.
Ken- no, you.
Zach- Oh. The baseball one? Funny but no. Never got that before. I got…john Cusack when I was young. Girls said I look like him which is fine by me. People say I look like him.
Zach- I can’t stand fucking Kenny Rogers. The pitcher. Who doesn’t like Kenny Rogers? You ever eat there?
Ken- I think so.
Zach- He threw a perfect game. With…I know he was with Oakland when they were garbage…it was ariel prieto and him…I think he went from there to the rangers to Detroit. No idea who they traded him for.
Ken- no, he was rangers and then Yankees and then Oakland and then Detroit. Perfect game with rangers.
Zach- I didn’t like him on the Tigers. I don’t like the Tigers. I like Magnum PI. I don’t know why I don’t like the Tigers. He seems like the type of white guy who will be the exception to the rule and the television guys like him so I guess that is why I don’t like him. I usually don’t like the ones they like. And they just gave him a pass on the whole pine tar in the playoffs shit.
Ken- that’s right.
Zach- And it isn’t because he is white, it is because he threw a perfect game. Let uh…who is a black guy that is a pitcher. But is left handed.
Ken- which one.
Zach- Are there any fucking black pitchers other than the one? I mean black, not island black…like dusty baker black. Well, no, there is a good point. Dusty baker. With fucking mark prior and Kerry wood. They got pissed he blew their arms out…and you know it is because he is black. CC Sabathia. If he did that, they would fucking string him up but that boy is so big he would tear the tree out the ground and get up and go eat some more and make another million.
Zach- sure, what?
Ken- what you said.
Zach- which part.
Ken- all of it.
Zach- fuck, I look like Kenny rogers. You waiting on a game?
Zach- Which one?
Zach- Sorry. You think they use crayons so it gets kids hooked?
Zach- I think they do. I once played a game in vegas…well the point of the story is going to be the thing, but I was in a restaurant at Excalibur with my wife and I hit 7 out of 7 numbers and they got the thing on your table and I am freaking out as in what could have been and I am looking at the little keno cheat sheet and it is like if I had dropped 10 bucks on this I would have $50,000.
ken- no shit.
Zach- I didn’t put any money on it.
Zach- and my wife looks at me like you stupid motherfucker.
Zach- what is your favorite number?
Ken- don’t know.
Zach- you are a funny guy. I can’t tell you my favorite number.
Ken- it’s a secret.
Zach- no, I don’t want you to laugh at me.
Ken- I am gonna laugh at you.
Zach- maybe you wouldn’t laugh and would think it was weird.
Ken- I am already laughing.
Zach- it’s 69.
Ken- that is weird.
Zach- the worst part is my wife didn’t believe me and is all, you wrote those numbers down once they flashed up on the keno board.
Ken- did you?
Zach- I swear to god, I wrote them down before.
Ken- no shit.
Ken- you remember the numbers?
Zach- no. never played keno since. Like, that was it, you know.
Ken- I know what you mean.
Ken- all right, guy.
Zach- I know this guy named zach…which is weird because it is my name. I am zach.
Zach- I know that sounded weird but have you ever seen a picture of Kenny rogers when he was your age? Because it is you.
Ken- my name is Kenny rogers.
Zach- are you here from the past?
Ken- we all are.
Zach- but so I know this guy named zach. And he is a nice guy. Really is. Works for the what do you the fuck I forgot the name.
Zach- the name of the people that used to have the commercial during the nfl games with the hands opening…
Ken- united way.
Zach- we should be on a game show together. Or play taboo. So I know this guy named zach and he is a great guy…works for united way…hates his fucking job. Really hates it. He drinks a lot. And he just slips into weird behavior, you know. I was leaving a bar with him once and we were walking home because and this guy pulls up and is all, do you want a ride.
Ken- fuck out of here.
Zach- right? And zach walks up to the car, like sure. And it is this black dude, it is 2am…and so I get in the car because he gets in the car and so we are in the car and it is fine, nice guy and he is driving and then he is all…you like to smoke crack?
Zach- no, he says to us…do you like to smoke crack. Nope. Which is what I say and zach is all, yeah, I like to smoke crack.
Zach- and I am drop me off right here and I get out of the car and zach drives around with this guy smoking crack in the car.
Ken- not cool.
Zach- not cool. Another time we are walking home and a dude offers us a ride and he is all, hey, you guys want to buy some weed and I am like, nope and zach is yes and we end up buying a bunch of oregano off this guy and of course we can’t call him out on it because he is the type of guy who finds guys who wont call out people and is sitting there loving we wont call him out.
Ken- don’t get into cars with dudes.
Zach- and so he goes out on a date with this co-worker…really pretty. Really nice. And at some restaurant and it is going whatever and he gets up to go to the bathroom. And there is this dude in the bathroom and he is all, I see you are on a date. You want to do a line to get that going? And so he does a bump in the bathroom with this guy and comes back to table to the date and he is having a drink with her and talking but now he is thinking about cocaine and he sees the guy at the bar and after a few minutes nods for him to head back to the bathroom. So zach goes to bathroom and does another line with the dude. Zach goes back to the table and is feeling great and things are going great with the girl and the guy at the bar is nodding for him to go to the bathroom again so zach gets up and goes to the bathroom and they go again and now he is getting fucked up and he goes back to the table and she is a little drunk and he is a little coked up and those aren’t the same languages and the atmosphere is weird and he nods to the guy at the bar and they meet in the bathroom and they are lock in step, you know. And zach goes back to the table and the girl asks him what is going on and he says what are you talking about and she says, you keep going to the bathroom and he laughs it off and he nods to the guy and they go to the bathroom again and this time they come back and both sit at the table and she is a little freaked out and she says something and he is all whatever, he is fucked up and she is upset, like she had been looking forward to this date, she liked him, she was pretty, ass and titties and face and she is all, I am going to leave and zach is all, I am going to stay and she does the white woman look of disappointment and gets up and leaves. And zach, it doesn’t register or maybe it does or I don’t know but this guy is all, I got a motel room, you want to do some more cocaine.
Ken- fuck out of here.
Zach- and zach is all, sure, why not. So he goes back to this hotel room and he does a bunch of cocaine with the guy and then this guy ends up sucking his dick.
Zach- the, no, the guy sucks zach’s dick, zach doesn’t suck the guy’s dick.
Zach- it is just strange to me to go from being on a date with a woman to having some guy suck your dick in a motel room.
Zach- you are saying it isn’t.
Ken- well, for a guy who likes to get into cars with strange men in the middle of the night, I would think it would be weirder if he went home with the girl.
Zach- so what he does isn’t weird.