Autopia- 2016


Written for Sarah Knittel

A backyard in Sherman Oaks, California. March 1984. A young woman in a bikini comes walking out of a house and approaches a hot tub. Whoever she was talking to isnt following her so she isnt speaking to anyone. Basically everyone is just listening to themselves.

Fucking hot tub club I fucking love you. I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF EVERY SINGLE FUCKING ONE OF YOU. HOT TUB CLUB. HOT TUB CLUB. HOT TUB CLUB. God I would love to suck a dick right now. Sleep in the hot tub fuck in the hot tub watch tv in the hot tub make money in the hot tub smoke coke in the hot tub whoops did I say that? Does anyone everyone knows I fucking went to I went to disneyland with magic johnson and it was fucking terrible but the complete fucking opposite. Oh my god there are so many retarded children at disneyland it is so incredible. We have made it because one of us have made it. You are still in here bitches if you right you can stay in here bitches and turn into a prune but bitches it isnt going to tighten your pussy. Shit why do you think I am in here. ha. Move over red rover send the cocaine and champagne over. I am fucked up but like perfect fucked up. Like I dont even care if I am alive perfect. Next week we can gang bang fucking whoever you want in here. You say who I bring them to you. Did you hear what happened to me? Right like the last time I saw you I was like whatever right? And the thing is you walk through a door and you like that is the room you are in now and you are in that room and how do you find another room and it is like I got the centerfold. I deserve it. I am fucking hot and I fucking earned it and like what I earned is…i just am…i didnt know. Do you know? (she gets into hot tub) and it just gets better. And it just gets better and it just gets better and it just gets better and it just gets better. Magic johnson is great. He is such a real guy. Like, I didnt even approach him. I was at the Forum with Mr.Guccionne and he was introducing me because of the centerfold to Dr. Buss and he was all tell me a little bit about yourself and that is when he said he was a gynecologist but he isnt but god he is so sweet and so fucking rich. There are some sexy fucking women in here. Too bad I am not a dyke. It is totally fine if you pee in here. No, it is. I was super out of line. And that is the thing about all of this. Is like…it all…it is all here because it had to go through there to get here. Oh yeah no that man is not a fucking gynecologist. I thought he was. Because fucking someone told me he was. Wait, it was him. think they just call him dr buss because like he has enough money to call himself dr. buss. Like the levels of money. It is incredible, magic is great. And so much fun. But like, whatever, you know. That’s not top of the food chain. So I was telling dr. buss what happened to me with the guy who said he bought me the t-top and he said it was just his car. It turns out the guy fucking…i dont even still understand what happened… I was at the laker game after party after party and this guy was like can I buy you a drink and I was like sure and he was like let’s first buy you a car and I have heard that before and he was like no right now he was all you are so beautiful and I said thank you he crooked his arm to be like my lady to your t-top you know not like grab my wrist fucking bullshit and I was at Venice on the pier and we were it was a full moon and this old man called us over and was like come here, look at this this. And I was totally ready to see old man cock and he looked like my dad so whatever you know of course right and it was these seals in the surf. And they were like swimming really fast. And like having fun. And like the guy was like look at them. And there was this bird which is a type of bird that is comfortable around seals or sea lions they weren’t otters because those are the which are the ones at the san francisco pier those are big but these yeah they were cool. And they were catching mackerel or something. And he was super lonely because who is like come here look at these seals and I feel terrible for him and I wish I had my centerfold on me, you know? But like and we are watching them and it is cool but I guess it is like them watching us in a hot tub or some or something and maybe they would be into it or maybe not. I would party with fucking seals. I went to high school with a guy who tried out to be a navy seal. is a navy seal. No, he isnt a navy seal. He tried out to be one. I saw him in coronado at the hotel thing duh the coronado and he was all i am a seal and I was all I am a penthouse pet and he was like we are on top of the food chain and it was awesome because you know like we were equals you know? And like I signed a ton for his whatever you call them, and then his friend is all he isnt a seal he is in the fucking coast guard and it just kind of really I felt bad for him. Like in his eyes he sees me and I am what I am and he wants to be his version of me. And he starts telling me how he dropped out of the seals because the reason they fight so hard is there are all fags and they kill and fight so hard for each other because they are in love. And it kind of totally made sense. Right but like there were seals and I feel fucking great great great great and I was all hey maybe dude I will totally go with with the seals and was ready to go down to the beach and swim with them and then then you see one of these seals sea lions take a huge explosive shit like I mean a fucking whoosh oh shit and and it was fucking disgusting like I am never going in the ocean again all over the ocean and I fucking never realized I knew but never realized like the ocean is their bathroom and we go to the fucking we basically go vacation in their shit and what the fuck is that. At least this has chlorine. I like how chlorine smells. I like rubber tires and cut wood and and my pussy after I fuck. Trees that smell like jizz in the spring. Right. Right. Right. Well, I will take my piss over seal shit is all I am saying. Right, the what I am looking for is a condo on the beach and like build a pool on the sand with like navy seals around it to keep them all out. And they can all look at us. You know what. i am doing it right now. My point is the ocean is a bathroom for fucking them and for you to think it isnt is just fucking naivete in full display. I want to love to suck a cock right now. Like you know what I mean? Like I dont want to fuck. I would super rather suck a dick. But it isnt the ew god I just thought of all the dicks I have seen that I didnt want to see. Not like…right I dont need to tell you. Like…i have seen so many unwanted penises. Like I dont know if because I got the centerfold or what. (beat) But yeah. So magic was like it is so nice to meet you I hear you take great pictures do you want to go to disneyland. And I was like…i didnt say anything and he invited me to disneyland. And then it is like the room it is like you have to paint your own door like bugs bunny and I was like holy shit because I was like. Disneyland is great. I love disneyland. But like crook the arm and not fuck he was all I must buy you a t-top and I said you dont have to buy me a t-top and he was like meet me at cal worthington and you can have any car you want and whatever to like we go to disneyland and I fucking looked good but not like come on it is disneyland but no panties when he was ready to get fucked. Like he was testing me. And like this really special kid George who is special and his whose tongue didnt fit in his mouth it was so sweet. Magic is all can you take George on the tea cups and I was like of course and I was like okay and he was all tell me about yourself and I was all magic has better things to do than hear my problems and but he I told him he thought it was really weird with the guy and it was fucking cal worthington and his dog spot guy cal worthington and he was like pick out whatever car you want my lady and like I know men you know but this dude was like hello mr worthington I am going to marry her and he said he would pick out the car for me and he did but like I knew he was lying or I didnt and then the guy the car dealer was like this man is lying to you can have whatever car you want and like I broke down crying because of that time my father he is having a nervous breakdown and he is all you are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen and I thought it was so crazy that like we just met and was so sweet…he I thought he lived…and I played dumb and was I thought the lakers lived at the restaurant in the middle of LAX and I was all magic do you live in LAX and he was like he smiled and oh my god my pussy got so fucking wet. I was all dont you have to play basketball and he was all there is a basketball court in the matterhorn and I was all no there isnt and he was all there is a basketball court on the matterhorn and I said kurt rambis looks like the snowman on matterhorn and he was all kurt rambis is the snowman on the matterhorn. in the gift shop in frontierland looking at the stuffed mickeys and minnies and goofys and donald and chip and dales…and george was like so many to adopt and he was like you are my minnie mouse I was like oh my god I want to take you home with me but you would probably fucking freak out and shit yourself everyday and like you are my mickey mouse or I am your minnie. I dont know. I feel like I am in the gift shop right now and you all want to adopt me and he was all I want one of everything he was looking at me and magic loves wearing mickey mouse ears and handed them out and paid for everything george had this massive fucking erection like it was the biggest fucking thing I have ever seen and he was like i want you to fuck you in half on the matterhorn and I was magic! like I want whatever you want to fuck me in half in? and he is all drive together and I was like I dont know how to drive so I was like magic can you teach me to drive and i’ll teach you how to drive teach you how to drive and he was all drive together I was like okay and we waited in line with people for autopia and george stood behind me pressing this massive dong into my thigh his fucking big assed penis and he was like excuse me and tap tap tap with his tongue out magic is testing me to see how I am…not like I wasnt already you know…he was telling people we didnt know how to drive and better watch out for us and george drove and george did great and I patted him on the leg and it was like to his fucking knee oh my god I met walt disney under Pirates of the Caribbean in his cryogenic chamber. It was great like the fireworks were going and george came behind me and I I took him near the caves on toms sawyer island and I lifted up my shirt and there was just…like you could see the fireworks in georgies eyes the illumination and it is I know it was like the most perfect day and I am like magic, I dont even know you. Like isnt it supposed to be the other way around. But he is like this has nothing to do with this, you know? He is all it means can I trust you to trust you to trust you. And when he said that…i was like I dont know. I dont know. I am going to ask mr guccione (she gets out of hot tub and goes inside)