Written for Sarah Knittel and Anna Flynn Meketon
magick and glitter
February 27, 1989, Alpha Phi Kappa Sorority House, Westwood, California. A young woman in a strange get-up (Glitter) is breaking down some sort of half-assed set from a magic show. Another young woman (Naomi) a member of the sorority, comes into the room holding a stuffed animal. Naomi watches Glitter pack up. Naomi doesnt say anything for a while. Naomi just watches Glitter and smiles.
Naomi- Great job.
Glitter- Thanks. Happy birthday.
Naomi- thank you! I enjoyed it?
Glitter- did you enjoy it?
Naomi- Did I?
Glitter- You did.
(glitter continues to pack up)
Naomi- you have a lot of equipment.
Naomi- the magic behind the magic.
Glitter- you are seeing behind the curtain.
Naomi- am I not allowed to be back here?
Glitter- you are totally allowed back here. There is no back here here.
Naomi- Do you want a hand?
Glitter- You should be celebrating.
Naomi- I am!
Glitter- This is a really nice house.
Naomi- thank you. I am really lucky to be a member. A lot of people consider this the nicest house at UCLA.
Glitter- yeah, I have never seen a house this nice.
Naomi- I am sure you live in a nice house.
Glitter- not as nice as this. But I meant- I have seen nice houses but not-
Naomi- Right. The frat houses are not so nice. I wont step foot inside a frat house. Two feet maybe. (laughs)
Naomi- I said two feet.
(glitter busy cleaning up)
Glitter- two feet.
Naomi- I wont step inside a frat house. Two feet maybe. I said two feet because of course I-
Glitter- of course.
Naomi- Do you need any help?
Glitter- with? no. I am fine. Thank you for offering.
Naomi- is Magick the Magician still here?
Glitter- Is there a problem?
Naomi- Is there?
Glitter- Why do you want to see Magick?
Naomi- To thank him. I wanted to get an autograph.
Glitter- Oh. what?
Naomi- he doesn’t sign autographs.
Glitter- no he doesnt-
Naomi- Thank you for letting me know. I dont want to embarrass him.
Glitter- why would he be embarrassed?
Naomi- I dont know, people can be embarrassed when asked for their autograph.
Glitter- he wouldnt.
Naomi- I understand. Well not him, me.
Glitter- I meant more he doesnt sign autographs because no one asks him for his autograph. He is at the van smoking a benson and hedges-
Naomi- he smokes?
Glitter- he does.
Naomi- can I have your autograph?
Naomi- no, please. I have a bear everyone is signing and it would be yeah if you did. I am really sorry about this. It is embarrassing.
Glitter- it is okay.
Naomi- how should i feel? How do people normally feel?
glitter– I dont kn-
Naomi- No. I didnt freak out did I?
Glitter- oh. no. When?
Naomi- I just wanted to make sure I had a good time. I had the best time. I didnt fricking make an complete ass of myself did I?
Glitter- no, you were awesome.
Naomi- Did i bark and roll over like a dog?
Glitter- You did.
Naomi- I didnt know if it is a thing where I just slept the whole time and Magick was like make up whatever you want, she has no idea, say she did whatever you want.
Glitter- you barked like a dog. You hopped around on one foot. You spoke with a mexican accent. You will see on the tape.
Naomi- There is a tape?
Glitter- I taped it.
Naomi- ohhhhhh my gosh.
Glitter- one of the girls farted.
Naomi- are you serious?
Naomi- which one?
Glitter- I dont know her name. She was black.
Naomi- did it smell like Hawaiian punch?
Glitter- kinda. (laughs)
Naomi- she shouldnt be in college. She is fucking dumb. And angry. There is a tape! Ohhhh my gosh. This is crazy.
Glitter- Magick has to transfer the video to a tape.
Naomi- is he doing that right now?
Glitter- no. He is smoking while I pack. Wait, did you pay for the tape?
Naomi- I dont know. My parents paid.
Glitter- I dont think they did.
Glitter- for the tape.
Naomi- I am sure they did?
Glitter- Magick told me to rewind the tape afterwards, which means he isnt transferring the video to tape.
Naomi- well, how much is it?
Glitter- $75 for the tape. He adds music and a title.
Naomi- when do you need the $75?
Naomi- no what?
Glitter- the quality isnt good and he just hits record and it videos it from fifty feet away and the sound is terrible and you wont hear the fart.
Naomi- dont go for the video?
Glitter- if you want to but…
Naomi- that is really nice of you. Thanks. (beat) how did you get this job?
Glitter- Are you into magic?
Naomi- I dont think so. Maybe.
Glitter- Magic the magician is my dad so-
Naomi- that is cool.
Naomi- you want to be a magician when you grow up?
Glitter- If this is me in…no. I mean yeah but my own thing, you know? This is great and it is him but no, but yes but no but yes but no. you know?
Naomi- I think I do. You want to make pizzas your own way.
Glitter- Yeah. Totally. But when you open the box there is nothing because the pizza is the box but like the box is the pizza and it is like seeing eternity.
Glitter- but I am not there yet.
Naomi- do you do stuff with pizza?
Glitter- no, I just thought of that. I should. I totally will.
Naomi- oh. That would be cool. I want to see that. So magicians can do stuff hypnotists cant or is it like all the same?
Glitter- different ones do different things.
Naomi- that makes sense.
Glitter- my mom was my dad’s assistant but she died so I got to step in.
Naomi- oh my god.
Glitter- that was three years ago.
Glitter- I was working at an Fuddrucker’s but I got molested by a co-worker. who told me she could see angels and that I was an angel. who told me she could see angels and that I was an angel. who told me she could see angels and that I was an angel. my co-worker told me she could see angels and that I was an angel. my co-worker told me she could see angels and that I was an angel. my co-worker told me she could see angels and that I was an angel. My co-worker told me she cold see angels and you are an angel and go to sleep right now-
(Glitter snaps her fingers and naomi falls into a trance. Glitter touches naomi. She smells naomi. Glitter snaps again. Naomi comes out of trance.)
Naomi- I dont know.
Glitter- it happens.
Glitter- you might think things happen but they dont.
Glitter- nothing. It is your birthday.
Naomi- What are you doing for your birthday?
Glitter- I dont know.
Naomi- what did you do last year?
Glitter- I think I got into a fight with my dad and stayed at a ramada inn. You can have the video.
Naomi- okay. Wait, really? I dont have $75.
Naomi- That is so nice of you. We are going out to play pool at a bar in Santa Monica.
Glitter- That sounds like fun.
Glitter- where do you go?
Naomi- At a bar in Santa Monica.
Naomi- But I know they are just saying that as a cover for a surprise where we end up going to fucking Arena. If we go to Arena I will be so pissed at them.
Glitter- you dont want to go to Arena?
Naomi- so I can get shot by some gangbanger in a club on my birthday?
Glitter- there are gangbangers at clubs.
Naomi- a lot get through security because they know people.
Glitter- Be careful.
Naomi- seriously. I dont even want to go.
Glitter- I am sorry. What did you do for your birthday last year? what do you want to do for your birthday?
Naomi- I dont know. Just chill and watch movies. I am over going out and getting super drunk and then having to eat fucking pizza. Maybe I will just stay home and watch the video.
Glitter- that sounds awesome. Not the going out part but the watching movies and eating chilling. I hope the video is good.
Naomi- right, but you get to a certain age and it isnt what you want to do, you know? If I dont go out then they think I am some fucking whatevermaton and like I already have a date for formal and yeah.
Glitter- what is formal?
Naomi- all the, it is stupid but all the frats and sororities have a party and it is at a hotel and it is just a major terrible fucking scene-
Glitter- you should tell them all to go fuck themselves.
Glitter- are you?
Naomi- so, magic the magician is your dad?
Naomi- do you want to do magic when you grow up?
Naomi- Right. Cool. There needs to be more female everythings. What is your name?
Naomi- that is your like stage name yeah?
Glitter- no, that is my real name.
Naomi- wow. That is a pretty rad name.
Glitter- it is actually Deborah.
Naomi- okay. The, I knew when I was hypnotized.
Naomi- like, I knew I was being hypnotized.
Naomi- when I was hypnotized. I mean it, like, no offense to your dad magick the magician but it is I mean I didnt want to be like, duh this shit didnt work cuz like all the girls would have been disappointed-
Glitter- so you faked it.
Naomi-i mean I didnt fake it but like I was playing along.
Glitter- that was nice of you.
Naomi- well, I mean, yeah. That was hilarious when danica farted.
Glitter- so you didnt mind it?
Naomi- no, I liked it.
Glitter- would you like to do it again?
Naomi- like, not for like money or whatever.
Glitter- what part did you like?
Naomi- the part where I barked like a dog.
Glitter- any other parts?
Naomi- I dont know, all of it.
Glitter- so you liked every single part of it?
Glitter- see I cant tell if you are like…
Naomi- I liked it.
Glitter- I did too.
Naomi- okay. We could get movies and watch them.
Naomi- what type of movies do you like?
Glitter- all types.
Naomi- me too! and we can watch the video. Okay?
Glitter- Maybe my dad-
Glitter- okay what?
Naomi- What you said okay about.
Glitter- Oh, I was going to say he can put music and a title on it.
Naomi- okay. Or not. what movies do you want to watch? I havent seen commando.
Glitter- I havent either.
Naomi- Give me your address and and I will come and we can watch it and eat pizza and then watch commando or go to denny’s or something and that is how I want to spend my birthday.
Naomi- right. Tonight.
Glitter- my address is- I mean, you can get a ride with us-
Naomi- Right, but I then you would have to drive me back.
Glitter- right. So forget it.
Naomi- I want to change and I have to go out to dinner blah blah blah.
Glitter- right. Well, but we live in the Valley so-
Naomi- I have a car.
Glitter- are you serious?
Glitter- okay. It is 23500 burbank blvd. It is in woodland hills. Off the 101 at Shoup.
Naomi- shoot. I need a pen.
Glitter- It is on the business card.
Naomi- okay. I will see you tonight!
Glitter- I will see you tonight.
Naomi- I will see you tonight!
Glitter- okay, well, I am gonna break down the equipment and I guess I will see you tonight.
Naomi- tonight. I am Naomi by the way!
Glitter- i know!
(Naomi walks away. Glitter smiles. She starts to pack up the equipment)